Friday, January 11, 2008

GMAT attack

So about the whole grad school thing. I want to go. But the whole motivation factor in the preparation zone is pretty pathetic from where I’m sitting. Up to this point in time, whenever I’ve had to do something, well, I’ve just had to do it. And not just that I’ve had to do it, I had someone telling me I had to do it. And how. And when. Let’s take the SATs. You just have to do them. In high school. And your teachers and parents and friends are all doing it (or have done it) and there are classes and tips and it’s all handed to you on a plate. A silver platter of a plate in fact. Course selection, college essays, they all have a rhyme and a reason, a timeline, a deadline.

And then there was real life.

No rhyme or reason, no timelines, no deadlines (well, other than those imposed on you at work and by everyone to whom you owe a bill… but that’s a whole 'nother story). It’s just you and your idealistic optimistic twenty-something view of the world and what you’re gonna do with your time in it. No one to tell you when to move from that first job to a second job, or whether to go to grad school, and if so, when. And where. It’s all up to you. And then once you decide in this little head of yours what it is you would like to do going forward, you have to work backward to figure out all the right steps and the proper execution of said steps. And there are some indicators and some helpful guides along the way, but they’re all speaking from their own roadmaps, which may or may not be relevant to the one you’re making.

So, here I am in my big bad idea of going to get my MBA/MPH. Which may or may not be relevant to me and my life. But it sounds pretty good from where I’m sitting. Don’t go asking me too many pointed questions though, because I haven’t gotten that far in my justification/rationalization/investigation, but really, I honestly question those people who seem to have a water-tight defense. There’s something fishy going on there.

First step in this little plan? Taking the GMAT. I opted not to do that while still in the pseudo-study-mode that is college. But come on now, "senior year of college" and “study” are kind of like oil and water… they just don’t mix too well. So, probably for the better that I am giving it my full attention in the here and now. Not like I have other things occupying my mind 10 hours of the day.

I’m going to clue you in on a little something… I’m not naturally a very disciplined person. I know, I KNOW, you’re shocked, right? It takes all of my will power to hunker down and focus. Like an ADHD child in a candy store, I can’t figure out where I want to do first and end up just spinning round in circles until collapsing into a heap on the ground. Great image, huh? So, the mere thought of tackling a standardized test is enough to make me curl up in a ball under my cubicle at work and stay there for all of time.

But then I hear my father’s voice, ever the guiding (ok, let’s be honest, ass-kicking) force in my life: “Elizabeth, stop being a baby and just do it.”


So, as is also typical of Liz (yes, I'm speaking in the third person now... it helpss me cope), I am either all or nothing. Hot or cold. 110% or -15%. This system of going through life of course has its obvious benefits and shortcomings. Such as the fact that I’m either in half-marathon running shape or exhausted by the steps out of the subway. I don’t see a problem with this. Right now, however, I am enjoying the perks of what is a rarity of actually being mid-gear and steadily chipping away at the problem. The problem of the GMAT that is. It’s not exactly the coolest or most interesting of ventures. I’m not winning any hot dates because I’m studying for the GMAT on Thursday nights, and I’m certainly not solving some greatly philosophical question that has plagued the world for generations. But it gets me where I need to be. And that, I have found, is enough to keep me truckin. So, there that is.

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