Monday, April 30, 2007

Perks of Cancer

So part of out little Tennessee adventure was visiting our friend Rob in Knoxville. Our visit was part surprise, since he didn't know that Em and Alexandria were coming (though, sneaky guy that he is, he totally had his suspicions). Let me just put it out there that road tripping with 3 of your best friends in the spring has got to be one of the greatest things you can do in life.

Complete with a rockin soundtrack in our pimpin car (oh man, I can't wait until Xan sends me the pictures- you will laugh out loud), it was a rockin time through central TN.

Rob lives along a lake in Lenoir City, outside of Knoxville. It's also kind of in the boonies, so we were of course, right at home. His mom Miss Ellen, dad Mr. Bob, sister Diana, and brother Jameson are all lovely, and equally hilarious and sarcastic. Miss Ellen epitomizes a southern belle of a mother. Complete with home-cooked meals and and absolutely endearing southern drawl. We had a blast. And we got to see Rob, to boot. :)

We always refer to him as "Rob, our friend with cancer," because, well, it works. But I think sometimes people are uncomfortable and/or a little taken aback by how freely it rolls off the tongue and how much we all kid around about it, and well, maybe righty so. So I apologize if you fall into the camp of "taking cancer seriously" and are offended by what you are about to read. But, Rob would have it no other way, so deal (I can just see the comments I'm going to get for THIS one).

We decided that having cancer actually does have its perks, and really, if you can't make light of them, what's the use in even having cancer to begin with? Here are some things I learned this weekend from Rob.
1) No need to buy or use shampoo because, oh right, no hair. Or shave for that matter. Much simpler.
2) Having a handy dandy permanent catheter inserted in your chest means that you don't ever have to get stuck with needles and look like you're a heroin addict.
3) You can pull "the cancer card" basically anytime. For any reason. For instance, "Hey mom, can you get me a butter knife? I have cancer and don't feel like getting up." Or when the people who make Diana's wedding invitations screw them up, his mom can respond, "My son has cancer, I don't want to deal with this right now, so fix it, and fix it immediately."
4) When you vomit, someone else cleans it up for you.
5) Sleep. You can do as much of it as you want.
6) If you're mean or short with someone you can just excuse it with, "Oh, I have cancer, deal with it."
7) Your parents will bring you meals in the hospital every day because the hospital food sucks and the parsley-esque substance they use to "garnish" the food makes you want to vomit every time you smell it.
8) You can write a damn cool book about all your random hospital stories after it's over.
9) Lots and lots and lots of time to catch up on old episodes of Arrested Development, read the architecture magazines of your choice, and read all the cool books and watch all the cool movies your friends send you in care packages.

And the biggest and bestest perk about having cancer... *drum roll*

10) Sexy ladies schlep all the way from NYC to the boondoggles of Tennessee just to spend time with you. Touring Super Wal-Mart, seeing the architecture building and football stadium at your alma mater, and sitting on your deck overlooking the lake at dusk, and having 4 hotties in tow when you go to the hospital to get your neupogen shot. Tough life. Pictures to follow.

We love you Rob.


amc said...
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amc said...

i love this entry! i was laughing so hard i was in tears at my desk (clearly working hard.) love the shout out as Xan, btw :) good times- everyone should be excited about the pictures to follow.