The first floor of my building is a Barnes and Noble. It is entirely dangerous for someone such as myself. Moreso than Starbucks. I have to actually cross a street to get to Starbucks. But I am now a member at Barnes and Noble because I have realized that I spend so much time and money there... I get discounts! And coupons! Oh boy oh boy, I love books. But that's not really what I want to talk about here.
Given our pimp pad on Fifth Ave, this happens to be the Queen Mother of all B&Ns. Because if you have a new book, you do a signing here, apparently. Only, not really "A-list" writers. It's more like random "B-list"ers. They're famous, but not necessarily for their writing. And as of late there have been a LOT of signings. Ok so here's the deal, the entrance to B&N is on 5th ave, but the entrance to the rest of the building is on 46th street. However, the lines that forms for said book signings often wrap around the corner and back to our door, blocking the entrance with the stereotypical-person-of-the-day. For Nicholas Sparks, it was frail looking women. All women. For Taylor Hicks it was all screaming teeny-boppers. For Rosie O'Donnell, well, I won't go there.
And these people line up early. I'll be walking to work at 8:55 and see people there with their cup of Starbucks chillin out for a 1pm book signing. Do you REALLY need to be the FIRST one to get Author X to sign your book? Do you think it will be sloppier if you're the 37th person? A little less defined and brushed off, perhaps?
And also, don't you people, oh I dunno, have JOBS? Where do you work that on a random weekday you can just up and stand in line for 5 hours to get a book signed? Seriously.
What is funny is that the authors don't just roll up and walk in the front door of B&N. They come in through our door (like, the 46th street door, for the rest of the building). Apparently the camera crews who come to film these people haven't figured it out. Because they always look confused when the person is already inside and they didn't see them go in. Yeah, because they use the back entrance, through the main building door, silly cameramen. So this means that once in awhile someone from work will come up and mention that they shared an elevator with, say, David Hasselhoff. And all those piddly little people waited in LINE to see him. Ha. We know where it's at.
And you bet your bottom dollar I will be camping out in our lobby to wait to share an elevator with Donald Trump when he comes to sign his book next week. Is there a new season of The Apprentice coming up? I could make my 30-second pitch about why I would be awesome on it. Being on The Apprentice with The Donald = far cooler than getting a book signed by The Donald.