At least once each day at work someone says something that either makes me double over in laughter or pause in great silence to consider how absolutely ridiculous the statement was... or both. Throw in a few entirely "awkward turtle" worthy comments, and you have a classic day at EA.
I have collected quite a few of the particularly noteworthy ones recently and decided to devote a post to them:
During a client meeting:
"Gonorrhea is like buying a can of chili"
One day at lunch:
Person A: Google image "fatty stool." I dare you!
Person B: Wait wait, is that the one with... the woman... and the stool... No. Ew.
Person C: Advancing the future of science one picture at a time.
Jesse (while walking towards my desk, from a good 50 feet away): Liz, I was just thinking about your ovaries.
Me: *curious/shocked silence*
Jesse: Yea, so I was wondering what kind of birth control you're on, you know, for your ovaries
Me (laughing): How is it that I work at a place where that is a perfectly legitimate question to ask someone aloud in front of multiple other people?
Jesse: You know because I'm doing this project right now on birth control and I was thinking if you were on one with androgens maybe THAT is what's making your face go so crazy...
Me: Ok... Jesse... really...
Jesse: No, I mean, I know you're just on BC for your ovaries, it's not like you're...
Me: Jesse, stop. I'll tell you what I'm on.
Erin: Did you decide to make this unofficial Ugly Shirt day, Andrew?
Andrew: I feel compelled to wear loud shirts now on Fridays
Dr. Dave (winner of ugly shirt day and also wearing a particularly... loud... shirt): WHO DOES THAT??
After looking at the sign-up for the Thanksgiving Potluck and seeing that Ted had signed up to bring Lesbian Pea Salad:
Me: So uh, Ted, what's in this... lesbian pea salad?
Ted: Oh, it's a secret. You'll have to wait until Monday to find out...
Me: Hm, ok.
Ted: Yeah, I come from a long line of lesbians, what can I say??
After our Thanksgiving potluck:
Me: I'm soooo sleepy. Too much tryptophan.
Dr. Dave: Your pineal gland is hard at work.
Me: I learn something new from you every day!
Dr. D: You thought I was being dirty, didn't you?
Me: No, that may have been the first time I didn't assume that
Dr. D: My pineal gland just tweaked
Me: *walking away*
Top quotes from physicians we interview:
Person X at Harvard's hospital: There are thousands of physicians at this hospital and I would say maybe a dozen of them are any good
Naturopath Y who believes that Viagra leads to heart failure: ED no longer stands for Erectile Dysfunction... it stands for Eminent [sic] Death.
I don't even have to TRY to make those funny. They just are so absurd, it makes me laugh even thinking about how amusing my days are here. And then there was the one time I called Charles Giuliani a Queen in a company-wide email. That was really funny until his booming voice echoed across the office with "ROADKILL!!!!! It's going to be a long winter, Spangler." I asked my mentor and favorite red-headed Jew Darren what the company policy is on death threats...
Darren: Well, given that Charles makes the policies... you will have to ask him what the policy is on threats like that... I'm guessing we have a pretty liberal one.
Me: Liberal in the sense of him being allowed to kill me?
Darren: NO NO NO, Liz. Not being allowed to kill you. Being allowed to Threaten to kill you. Big, BIG difference. I mean, you called a Giuliani a queen Liz...
Me: Ok, so you think it's liberal enough that he can threaten with impunity??? So what should I do???
Darren: Keep hammering away at him in your blog... I mean company-wide emails.
Charles informed me the next day that the only reason I am still alive is because I capitalized Queen.
I can't wait until the Holiday Party Skit. I'm sure Charles will get back at me for all these months and months of torture, er, loving commentary. :)