Super Fat Jack Ticker-Tape Tuesday

Today is like a massive amalgamation of so many great events that I don't quite know what to do with myself. The sheer number of colliding and competing festivities today is enough to overwhelm even the best of us. Let's lay it out there for those of you out there who are living under a rock.

1) Presidential primaries in like a bajillion states- But, PA is not one of them, in case you were wondering. Which I learned when I called my mom to ask if she'd voted and she was all... "Um... Liz... we don't vote until April." Right. But I mean, the whole world revolves around California and New York anyhow, right? You can bet your bottom dollar that this chicky will be sitting on her butt in front of the TV. All night long.

2) Fat Tuesday Mardi Gras awesomeness- Need some King Cake? Want to "earn" some beads? Eat and drink your heart out right before beginning the season of Lent? Or, as with most people, do you just an excusable reason to be McDrizzled on a Tuesday? Well then, this is your day. Eat, drink, be merry.

3) Giants Superbowl Victory Parade- Let's discuss for a brief minute how unfrigginbelievable that Superbowl was. Like woh. I enjoy me some good football, but that was a nail biting fest down to the last second. And the scrappy underdogs from New York came out on top. And Justin Timberlake was in a commercial (hothothot). Oh wait, that's not relevant to the parade, sorry. So, obviously a party is necessary. As if this city weren't crazy enough today. Let's shove thousands of people into the downtown area and close down all the streets. Bankers in Brooks Brothers suits will stand side by side with all those dudes from Jersey who came in to be within photographing distance from their beloved Manning. Cuz they sure as heck aren't "wasting time" voting. And they never heard of no New Orleans. They just want to drink more beer.

4) Jack Johnson's new CD- This may only be exciting to me, but oh boy, it's exciting to me. I clearly need more music in my iTunes library, because the 3,974 (legally obtained, I swear) songs I currently have are so not enough. So, one of my favorite artists coming out with a new CD will certainly fulfill my music fix for the week (maybe even month, if it's as good as I hear). Confession time: so last night I may or may not have stayed up until midnight thinking that I would be able to get it then, after all, 12:01 on February 5th is clearly February 5th, why wouldn't it be out?? False. But I did come across some pretty sweet Best of College ACappella albums (don't even ask) with Penn's very own Off the Beat, among other sickly talented groups. So I bought the 2006 collection. And 2007. But I digress.

Even the best and most organized of us have trouble navigating all these options (read: must-dos) on this one single day.

Deciding the order in which to vote, paint your face for the parade, drink enough beer to hold you through Lent and maaaybe somewhere in there get some work done involves a delicate balance and ability to finesse several different realms of life. Because, after all, you wouldn’t want to come to work accidentally wearing your Mardi Gras beads and fishnet stockings, because you got confused about the order of the day’s events, now would you? Or you wouldn't want to be chillin to some Jack right before the parade and be so mellowed out you can't really get pumped up, right? Priorities. Like I said, even the best of us have difficulty on days like this, trying to make it all work. I mean, hey, when you’re the only Republican in a 27 mile radius, everything becomes more complicated on a day like today.

But embrace it. It's a special day. Make it your very own. But above all, make it count. Vote.